Tuesday, January 6, 2009
What is Your Story?
Now that you have heard my story, please comment here about your stories! I would love to hear about your own experience with adoption. Whether you are an adopted child, want to adopt, have adopted, know someone who is or has or will adopt, I WANT TO KNOW!!!!!!! I know that each and every story will touch my heart! Can't wait to hear how God has blessed each and everyone of you :)
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Well, My name is Erin Montour. I am Megan's oldest(and only) sister.
ReplyDeleteI too, like Megan, was adopted when I was three days old. Growing up, our parents did let us know that we were adopted, it was never a secret. However, being adopted was a struggle for me. Growing up, internally, I struggled with the concept of adoption. I mean, why wouldn't my biological mother want me? What did I do wrong? And externally, it was a constant battle with my adoptive parents. I always felt out of place in their family and never felt like they could love me like their own, even though they made it clear on a daily basis that they did.
When I was 16, I was in a group home in Alabama and received a phone call from my parents telling me that my biological mother had contacted them and wanted to meet me. I was excited and scared all at the same time. I was told that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer and diabetes and wanted to meet me before she passed. When I moved back home to Jacksonville, I was 18 and I took it upon myself to find her. All I had was an address on a envelope from a letter she had sent me. I googled the address and immediately left to go meet her. I didn't know if she lived there or not, but everything in me hoped she did. I pulled up and there was a lady with long brown curly hair, tan skin and brown eyes sitting on the porch smoking a ciggarette. I figured she would know if my mother lived there. I hopped out of my van and asked the woman if she knew where Delorah, was, or if she lived there. The woman asked why and I replied with no hesitation and to my suprise, "because she is my biological mother and I want to know why she gave me away." The lady looked shocked and replied, "well, darlin', I am Delorah." I didn't know what to think. I didn't cry like I though I would. I didn't hug her or anything, I just looked at her. I looked nothing like her. Absolutely nothing. She invited me in and we spent the whole day talking about everything from the color scheme of her trailer to how my biological father was dead, but she avoided the question on why she decided to put me up for adoption. Finally, after I told her I had to leave, she looked at me and said that her parents didn't want her having any children and that they made her give me up. I didn't believe it, but I accepted the answer and left.
We stayed in contact until I was 20. I found out from her father that she had already had a bunch of other children.(yes, I have three biological brothers and two biological sisters.) I asked if we all shared the same father, and he said that Delorah was a prostitute and crack addict(she still has yet to drop these habits, by the way) and never knew who any of the fathers were. I called her out on her lies(she didn't have breast cancer or diabetes after all), she yelled at me and told me that she was my mother, I screamed at the top of my lungs in rage "YOU ARE NOT AND NEVER WILL BE MY MOTHER!" and told her that I didn't want to have any more communication with her.
I haven't spoken to her since.
Looking back, if I had the chance to do it all over agian, I never would have sought out my biological mother, however, I would keep the respect, admiration and love I have now for my parents that I didn't have before I met Delorah. They are brave people. I could never do what they did. And after all of these years, after all of the good times and bad, they still love each and everyone of us unconditionally and I love them for that.
Oh, and if you're wondering if I would ever adopt or give a child up for adoption, well, I would never adopt a child for a list of personal reasons, but I would consider being a foster mother. As far as giving up a child for adoption, I have a four year old son and considered it while I was pregnant. But, I was young when I had him and didn't feel like I could care for a child at the time. I considered other options too, but looking into Mason's big blue eyes now, I know I made the right decision.
I could go on and on about this topic, so I am going to end on that note.
Thanks Erin for your post. Isn't it crazy how our stories are two totally different ones? I am glad to see that you have finally come to terms with the love our parents have for us. It is obvious to me that God has a huge love for you as well because you were able to get away from the negative lifestyle your biological mom lives in. Hopefully one day you will understand that you do fit in. We love you very much. Well, just speaking personally, I love you very much :)
ReplyDeletePS. I am thankful for you!... and pinneapples..... and tax collectors! HAHA